It is not easy to be a London mistress. Contrary to what people believe, it’s not just about spanking and humiliating someone. Psychology plays a huge part of every D/s relationship. And of course there is the physical aspect of it. I have to maintain my fabulous physique and look stunning to my slaves. Kink wear does not come in cheap. A dominatrix has to maintain her alluringly wicked good looks. This is just one of the major responsibilities of being a London mistress, to always be an epitome of perfection to my slaves.

I start my day running. This is not just to keep myself fit and work on my stamina. Running also helps clear my mind of things. It is a form of meditation for me. Other dommes do yoga or Tai Chi, I however run. Although I have tried yoga before and it does help keep me sane, but I think it would be better to start yoga with studying all about the spiritual aspects of it from India or from a really good yogi who studied in India. Unlike most people, I consider fitness training not just for the physical benefits of it. People go to the gym and enroll in the latest fitness courses just to say they keep themselves fit. For me fitness is more than just maintaining your body, but the mind and the soul as well, which is also why I eat whatever I want after a good workout. I am never afraid to binge. Exercise is good for the body, keeping focused on my workout is good for the mind, and food is good for the soul. These things keep me sane all through the day. It really helps since I have to deal with different people with their kinks on punishing them. I cannot get in a play session with anyone with my anger in tow. That can be dangerous. I may be too harsh to my slaves and not hear them safeword because I have sunk too deep in my anger for something else. So, I strongly advice to keeping a clear mind just before starting a play session, may it be through running, yoga, Tai Chi or whatever is the latest in fitness workout out there.

 

This brings me to another myth that vanilla people think of dominatrices as bitter angry women. This is absolutely false. As I have said, as an established London mistress, I have to compartmentalize, meaning when I step in a dungeon or in a play session I have to leave my personal baggage outside. Otherwise it manifests on how I treat my slaves. One time one of my slaves had to yell his safeword while I was relentlessly flogging him. I yelled back at him to tell him that this was not how he should talk to his mistress. Of course he apologized for shouting at me. After the play session he emailed me to ask if there was anything wrong because he said the reason why he shouted at me was that I did not stop when he first said his safeword. And this slave has never used his safeword on me! I told him I was angry with someone in my personal life and I did not think I was too harsh on him nor did I hear him say his safeword the first time. Another instance was my slave thought I was getting soft on him and so I had to adjust my spanks. There are a few long time slaves who want to be my shock absorber. Who wants me to release all my anger on them and be brutal to them just because I had a bad day. There are also times when I feel rather very nice to my long time slaves just because I felt happy that day. But for the new slaves, it would be better not to be brutally wicked on them on the first day of a play session. So, best leave your baggage at home or in the privacy of your own room before stepping in a dungeon. And when outside of a play session, dommes are generally nice respectful and polite. Although at times I may carry with me my bossiness even with my vanilla friends. I just have to constantly remind myself that I am not with like-minded people.

 

Being a London mistress I have to pay close attention to my looks. Aside from looking intimidating for everyone, for which I do not have a problem on, I have to look like a goddess. I have to look perfect for my subjects. Looking perfect and spotless is a good way to intimidate slaves, knowing that I am the picture of perfection for them to worship. Looking good to be worshipped is part of the slave’s fantasy. But of course it all depends on the slave’s fantasy and with the whole agreement. To each his own kink! Being perfect means that I have to maintain my skin soft and smooth, my hair perfect, my shoes and clothes spotless, my makeup should be not too tacky so as I look like a clown or a sissy. I have to walk with ease in my stilettos, never tripping or getting off balance. I have to talk eloquently. Domination does not come with just yelling at slaves. I have to communicate effectively too. Otherwise there may be confusion during play sessions and things can go bad.

 

Aside from looking perfect, I have to have the right skill set as well. I have to learn how to handle a whip, flogger, a paddle and which places to hit best and not cause any harm. As a London mistress I can hurt my slaves but I make sure not to harm them. Of course there are some things I need to practice on. However I have to get my slave’s consent first before I practice on him, just like in ropes. I have always wanted to learn Kinbaku and to practice this art of bondage I have to have willing subjects. Even though they are my slaves and I can do whatever I want with them, still I have to get their consent in anything new I wish to introduce to them or like in practicing Kinbaku. Unlike what people think about this lifestyle, consent plays a very big role in every play session. This separates this lifestyle from abuse and violence. Although dominant have to upper hand on the relationship, we can pretty much do whatever we want with your submissive, still everything is done with consent from all parties involved, safe, sane and consensual (SSC) as we always say. A safeword is always put in place that represents the consent of the submissive so the person can stop the play session whenever he wants to. As a dominant he cannot do anything but to respect the safeword otherwise it becomes a breach in trust or worse, abuse.