I spent a long time sharing with others about what makes a better submissive, via chats, email, and posting online, I was able to gather the following list of characteristics through my personal experiences and through these conversations. I have listed those that I have been told repeatedly or seemed to be wanted by a major dominants in my life. From the observations of my personal life, I know that nearly all of these characteristics make an excellent person not only a competent submissive.
Most of these things come together. But all of them are my beliefs about what brings a good submissive. All of these, not just the one inside D/s Relationship, can be extended to any partnership.
Service: The tasks which are assigned by the dominant should be completed willingly. And adding your observations to the stuff you’re doing to satisfy your dominant Service usually points to things apart from playing (sessions). These things like cooking, housework, and other items were intended to make the dominant’s house more pleasant to her. Service can include activities that the dominant has scheduled for you which do not fall under household tasks. Perhaps the financial planning of the household is among the tasks that the dominant sets on you, cooking your favourite meal, and other things can be service. Literally everything done in such a way which aims specifically to satisfy the dominant could be seen as a service.
Acceptability: This is the willingness to see and consider yourself for who you are, and also what you are, it may be good or bad points. It includes learning your limits and maintaining the idea that things may change as well as realizing that you’re going to change. This is the opportunity to make yourself to take joy and pride in the person you are, and be who you are, and also not to lose that confidence.
Interaction: It is the ability to speak honestly and openly about what’s in your mind and heart to your dominant, your beliefs and opinions, your desires vs. your needs, your answers or reactions, to be able to speak about all. The integrity of the dominant and the submissive is also called into play by this skill. If open communication is created, it should remain so and that truthful communication cannot be prevented by the submissive. Not to communicate will emotionally and physically risk yourself. It is not always necessary to communicate verbally.
Courtesy: It is quite self-explaining, but I have been asked by many for information on courtesy. This is the ability to use please and thanks to show actual courtesy, approaching individuals with basic courtesy and respect.
Growth: The desire to develop, seek and achieve new goals within yourself. Be these targets psychologically, physically or emotionally. It is the ability to keep improving and sharpening your skills is very valuable as it keeps the relationship against stagnating, allows you to develop as a submissive and hence find new ways of satisfying or serving your dominant.
Honesty: I personally feel it shouldn’t have to to be said. But there are many people lacking integrity, so it’s got to be said. Truthfulness is the ability to talk openly and honestly about what you’re saying. Do not hide your thoughts, worries, emotions, dreams, and ideas. Always tell your dominant about what you think honestly An honest person is a successful submissive, somebody who doesn’t keep lying, deceive, or manipulate intentionally. Honesty builds confidence. Trust is a relationship’s basic foundation. Lying violates the trust, and destroys the partnership from very base.
Humility: Practically, that is the willingness to see yourself as incorrect. A good submissive knows they’re going to be wrong; they’re not perfect. A good submissive admits and attempts to fix his / her mistakes. It’s not a good trait to give off an attitude of being stronger than anyone else. Developing a sense of pride is fine, but to avoid being arrogant, modesty is important.
Intelligence: I wouldn’t imply look smart by knowledge, the ability to do math equations for a long time or to pull apart and reconstruct a computer. The capacity to think for itself is as it corresponds to a good submissive mind. The capacity to make informed choices of who to submit to and where it extends. The capacity to take time out of the positions of dominant and submissive to learn their partner to recognize them as the individual they are, their tastes and interests. The ability to learn and understand certain things to please their dominant.
Loyalty: In a submissive, it’s a very important characteristic. It’s the tendency to follow anyone else’s dominant rules. An effective submissive would not act in a manner that creates questions about his / her dedication to his / her dominant position. This enforces to the best of your knowledge and end of the agreement made with your partner. This may also imply the partner’s status when there are challenges. This usually comes hand and hand with dedication and both are expected to sustain in a lengthy-term relationship.
Obedience: It is exactly the basic ability in which one should follow in every day life. This implies willingly following the terms of your dominant and doing what you are advised in a power exchange relationship. For both the dominant and submissive, willing obedience is satisfying. This could be directly connected to the submissiveness of the individual. Based on the intense need to please the dominant the submissive obey their dominant and not because of the fear they have on their Dom. It does not imply (never challenge anything) blind obedience. The obedience details differ with each relationship, hence obeying the dominant is the important and most expected part in the power exchange relationship.
Open Mind: This is the ability to see stuff as little as necessary with an unfavorable opinion. Having the ability to learn new concepts and just being open to trying new or different things. It compliments growth directly.
Patience: This is the desire to wait. This is becoming worse than being pushy. It does not mean pushing aside the most urgent needs, but learning the difference between what is a necessity and what is not by explaining these issues to the dominant.
Pride: (respect for oneself, value for oneself) This doesn’t imply being arrogant, just realizing your ability. Maintaining a sense of pride in your skill shows you have a strong sense of self-esteem, and your entire identity is not dependent on the perspective of someone else. A decent submissive believes themselves and appreciates their own limits. A strong feeling of self-esteem is a requirement for a submissive, or they might become codependent on the dominant, focusing for their own mental image of themselves on dominant. Humility is also part of that.
Appreciation: The willingness to pay respect by the tone of one’s speech, etiquette, and overall attitude. A sub should respect their dom (unless it is destroyed) and respect others. It goes hand in hand with the manners The respect should be given to their dominant at all times and it should not be given when the submissives like to show them. Sure, in these relationships we have arguments but even during those times, a submissive must continue to maintain a respectful attitude.
Submissivity: It can be trained, or an inherent characteristic of personality. This the need to please others and please oneself by doing so. It is the willingness to give in (as it were) to the control of another and feel happy to do so. In BDSM relationships, submissiveness is one of the learned activities. Typically it occurs as the submissive gains experience improves in their submission and gains experience. The submission is not for the individual who learns to submit against the natural inclinations.
Trust: A submissive should have confidence in himself, decisions he makes and be able to trust others. Closed submissive may find it more difficult to achieve a good partnership with a dominant. It is essential for a submissive to be able to believe the instincts, particularly in the search for a dominant, since your instincts may sometimes tell you if something is incorrect. Listen to them as it may be harmful to neglect them.