Our democracy is a sham. Corruption and greed are out of control. It is time to reveal our true potential. I am the claxon call for women’s rights and I command that wealth and patriarchal power be redistributed. I am Goddess Nicole BDSM, now surrender to me as your new London mayor.

We are going back to a time when women ruled, took charge, and had the most political influence. We ruled and stirred the world. Matriarchy is coming and I will stand by it and enforce it.

Many people think my policies are extreme and unfair to men, but they are not. Men have evaded judgement day for too long. They want and need this. They are begging for their egos to be checked and their ideals to be redirected. This is a vision for all of us. You have asked for the tables to turn, now I am here to whip London into shape.

As your mayor I want to create a safe space when you travel. Any man caught manspreading will be fined, banned from sitting on public seats, and will be required to report to me!

The housing crisis is going from bad to worse. We will get our hands on male Oligarchs that are hoarding properties, buying up homes and using them to launder dirty money. Investigations and raids will be done. Any man caught profiting off the poor will be re-educated, fined, and punished. I will take over cis, white males’ penthouses and create places to worship me.

The police and judicial system are ineffective and outdated. With your consent I will bring London under my duress. The true meaning of justice as balance and harmony will be restored. As London will become the boundary, safe and pleasurable place that it should be.

Our streets will now be cared for by all my new subs: the former profiteers of the patriarchy. They will be retrained as sacred caretakers sweeping, dusting, and beautifying our public realm. Ensuring our walkways are fit for a Goddess, aka me your Goddess Nicole BDSM.

I am powerful. I have the tools. I have the means and I have the training to fully reform our society.

Now crawl to your polling booth, obey my request and you won’t be disappointed.